did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
