my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
