I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
