Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I stole a fireplace last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
