We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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