if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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