Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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