I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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