I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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