There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
