I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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