We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
