I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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