Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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