He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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