I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i came on her dog
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
