i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
