yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
