I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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