his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How external is "for external use only"?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
