I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
