He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
