You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
