part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
