That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
