omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
