There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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