remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
