some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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