I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
