My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
