i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
