I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
