id be glad to
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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