omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
