I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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