I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
