I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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