Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
