My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
