worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
