It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
