Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
