I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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