i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you inspire me to be a worse person
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
