dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
