he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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