I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
