I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
