I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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