I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
