Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
