I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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