Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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