If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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