By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
