so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
