it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize