Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
