My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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