Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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