Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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