Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
