You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
