Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
