Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Success! We fucked roommates!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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