dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
