what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
