If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think my moral compass just broke
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
