i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
