I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
