He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
