I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
