He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
